Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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