they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
