The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
