He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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