I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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