I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
