The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
