1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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