Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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