It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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