My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
