Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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