So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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