I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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