careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
