Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
