the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
