I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
