you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
