So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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