ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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