My liver just broke up with me...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
