probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
