If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
