3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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