i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
