I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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