Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize