...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
