You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
