he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
