I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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