So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
