Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
