he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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