So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
two words...techno handjob
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize