Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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