I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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