Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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