Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
