Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
