Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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