wrigley field is MILF paradise
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
