you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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