I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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