Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
