my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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