I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
