so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
