So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
ok first of all what the fuck
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
