I think I just saw someone hide a body.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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