Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
