I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
