Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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