the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize