Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
