hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
