Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
