what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
