I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
