Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
