Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
