i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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